The Fear

Expectations can make you atleast something. But when it breaks you will just be nothing.

This is a small story about how success and expectations can lead to developing fear. This is a story about Hamza. Hamza was from a lower middle class family where there was always something which was missing daily. Compromise was something which Hamza had to learn from a very small age. Hamza was a child who was fearless in a lot of ways. Like for him studies always was about learning something interesting. It was never about success or failure. Hamza was a kid who was bad in studies but there was something very extreme with his performance which his family never realized.

Hamza was bad in Maths & Hindi, average in others and good is Social Studies, Marathi. Drawing was something in which he had a natural flair. The only thing which he was known for in school was his drawings and he used to get a lot of appreciations for it. Before you think it’s another “Taare Zameen Par” I would like to suggest that its not.

Hamza would always just manage to pass and graduate to the next standard. However, it was never that he didn’t want to go school. He always enjoyed school. He would get a lot of beating from his parents and teachers but still he would study only things which he liked. His parents were a lot concerned as he would spent most of his time after school playing in his lane. The locality was not so good and most kids would not study hard and Hamza’s parents feared that he may also become like one of them.

Hamza would always be compared to his cousins who were brilliant in their studies and were top rankers. Hamza’s parents thought that this comparison would inspire Hamza but it would not. And it would make him really angry. As a child Hamza had not much control on his anger and would often end up in fights with his friends and family.

During his school days there were certain teachers who recognized Hamza’s talent was wanted him to join sports and to get into elementary drawing courses. However, Hamza’s parents felt that he was very weak in studies and it would not help him and he was not allowed to participate in anything.

Years passed and Hamza was still the same with no change. His final year in school came and he would still not clear his school exams. However something happened in the last year. Hamza met someone who thought him Maths & Science in a completely different way. Hamza suddenly developed an interest in both and started practicing hard. Soon, everyone noticed changes in him. Even his school Prinicipal spoke with Hamza’s parent about his psychometric results and recommended that Hamza should always go in Engineering as otherwise in any other stream his talent will be wasted. That was a big moral booster for him and he soon had a dream which he was pursuing.

During all these years Hamza was supported completely by his sister who was brilliant in studies and had made their parents proud. She was also a big inspiration for him. Also, Hamza met a friend who was his first friend as a girl who really helped him in reaching for his goals. With all this support Hamza was confident that he would be finally getting the much desired success.
And so it happened. His efforts and hard work was finally rewarded. He scored a distinction and for him it was the starting of a new journey which was full of positivity where he knew that he will succeed.

But as they say that life is not always fair and the unexpected can happen anytime. Hamza soon found his dream scattered. Hamza’s family decided that they would not be able to take the expenses of sponsoring his Engineering studies and that he should get into Commerce which was an affordable option.

Hamza’s friend who had supported him so much was no longer there with him and he was also now not having his inspirational teacher with him. The only support was from his sister but she was working hard to help their family meet the two ends. Hamza saw all this and was left with no option. From this point fear started getting the better of him.

There was fear of dreaming, setting goals and mostly the fear of failure. This changed Hamza from a kid who was fearless, instinctive and a positive person to a teenager who had compromised on his dream and now was a complete introvert. This happened in a year’s time. His life completed changed. He was just pursuing his studies as he needed a degree. He had friends but he stayed alone most of the times. He worked hard and would get good results but was not satisfied. In the 2nd year of college it was again a board exam and Hamza was keen to succeed. More then that he was afraid of failing now. He started preparing well in advance and was way ahead then his friends. However, the fear took the better of him and by the time of the exams he was so weak that he felt sick. However, he appeared somehow and managed to get a 1st Class.

As the years progressed the struggle increased for him. Things at home were not good and the financial problems kept increasing. Hamza had to succeed in order to get scholarships. He even took some tutions to support his studies and computer classes. In the final year of graduation the same things happened again and Hamza again felt sick during exams and could manage only a 1st Class.

The fear has transformed him a lot. He is afraid at having a close friend now after he lost his first friend, he is afraid of failures in life as he cannot afford to have them considering his financial situation. His thoughts are more pessimistic now. His approach is never instinctive. He has to work hard now to achieve the smallest of things in life. There is a lot about him which now nobody knows, not even his family. This fear has made him a loaner.

So remember every child is not as lucky as Ishant Avasthi from Tara Zameen Par. Expectations can make a person strong but it will never make a person weak. Infact it can complete break a person. Even today Hamza wants to be a positive person and is trying hard. Fighting everyday with himself alone. He is passing through the tunnel of life and sees a ray of light at the other end…………………….
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But again fears that it can be of a coming train :)